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Well It's been a roller coaster ride the past two weeks, as if my life isn't usually (insert eye roll here) .
I have just arrived home and I am shattered, laden with gifts and talismans, pictures, Fertility stones, memorabilia and emotions.

Due to the pain in my neck and also a itchy sore rash that had developed since I was unwell with that "cold" I rushed to the doctors today and it turns out I am suffering from shingles hence the rash and the "cold", the doctor gave me some cream to apply 5 times a day, the neck pain is yet unknown so I have been given super pain killers and anti inflammatory pills that I have to take 3 times a day and due to go back in a fortnight for a check up.

This doctor is really nice and was the one who put me forward for the fertility treatment, he asked how I was doing and we had a chat, he thinks I am suffering from depression after he asked me a few questions and talked about my slepping patterns etc blah blah and has arranged for me to see a therapist and start Cognitive Analytical therapy again (CAT), I am due to see the dietician about my weight loss next Tuesday.

The doctor said when asked that the shingles could haven been due to stress and exhaustion amongst other things... I figured that made sense.

The flight back was as hideous as the flight there, the loos were not working right, the in flight entertainment was on the blink and I was squashed between two's

(saw the wine in the local supermarket and had to take a picture)

......Who snored like troopers, took up all the room and both arm rests. I got no sleep the entire flight, the air stewards talked loudly amongst themselves about divorce, flights to Singapore, and the changing style of the US AIRWAYS uniform and how many limited edition scarves they accumulated to sell on to others, also not forgetting to mention that whilst the captain was talking to the passengers and giving us information they talked over him making it hard to hear updates. So needless to say I was cranky all the way home.

The last week of being in Florida was wonderful after our talk Daddi stepped up hys game and we did things and connected better, we discussed some deep topics and really got to know each other better. In Daddi's true spiritual way we both were able to see the positive in the hiccups and repressed feelings that arose during the first week.

And not forgetting to mention the sex was great *ahem*, the conversation was enlightening and stimulating and I think we gained more respect for each other, I met the parents and went Halloween shopping with Little Star, spent the day at the Beach and generally enjoyed my last week to the fullest.

I have a slightly different perspective on things and my life as well as acknowledgements of the things I need to work on. I was also given a handful of stones said to help with fertility that they bought for me before I arrived along with a giant rose Quartz crystal.

CARNELIAN: red-orange, yellow, brown
Promotes action, courage, helpfulness; stops confusion, inner attunement, cleanses, purifies, opens the heart, lifts emotions, protects from envy and fear and provides perceptiveness. Aids healing in the areas of gall bladder, kidney function, infertility, rheumatism and relieving cramps; stimulates the absorption of vitamins; ensures good blood circulation.

CHRYSOCOLLA: green to turquoise
Soothing and relaxing; promotes patience, flexibility, self-awareness, acceptance of change; and encourages clarity. Aids healing in the areas of infections (particularly throat and tonsils), digestion, and liver function; reduces fever; heals burns faster; lowers blood pressure.

GARNET: usually red, also found in green, brown, black, pink, orange and yellow
Promotes new beginnings, sexuality, prosperity; ends crisis; helps cope with daily problems; feminine strength, compassion, courage, attraction; eliminates energy blocks and taboos; encourages self-confidence and creativity. Aids healing in the areas of cell regeneration, immune system, arthritis and bones; accelerates wound healing, stimulates metabolism and circulation; anti inflammatory.

SUNSTONE: orange, brown iridescent
Promotes leadership, self-worth, good luck, optimism, desire for action; anti-depressant. Stimulates self-healing powers.

And the large one (as big as my hand and I have big hands) daddi gave me from his personal collection.

ROSE QUARTZ: pink
Rose Quartz is the stone of "gentle love" bringing peacefulness and calm. It also promotes beauty, purification, recovery, angelic dreams, well being, self-love, self confidence, romance and sensuality. Aids healing in the areas of depression, blood circulation, heart fortification, sexual problems and encourages fertility.

Hy is really caring and thoughtful.. Thanks Daddi. xx

Saying goodbye at the airport was hard, we took silly pictures together and generally made the best of the time we had left, as we were hugging our final goodbyes at the departure gate James Morrison's 'Undiscovered' played on in the background and we both giggled at the coincidence. One of the first things I sent Daddi in the beginning of our getting to know you stage was a link to the You tube video of this song and basically said this was me, I'm not lost, just undiscovered.

Daddi is coming to the UK for my 30th Birthday.

Here Birdie birdie.....

I must say though I thought the USA was bizarre with regards to many things, I forgot how hell bent they are on making people Fat.

The food is salty, the sugar content in everything including bread was shocking to my taste buds, they put butter on almost everything and generally it is no wonder they are overweight, I mean, we have our issues here too I know but not once did I see an advert/infommercial promoting the 5 a day lifestyle or to drink more water. There food is deep fried and mostly processed... I wonder what other parts of the US are like regarding this?

I never missed the UK so much in my life, I missed my juicer, they all drink soda and so had to buy water as daddi is not really that healthy much to my disappointment but ahh well. I missed my veg and had to constantly remind hym to take me to the store to get veg and fruit. When I finally had a balanced meal of cous cous and veg, my taste buds went crazy and my energy levels went through the roof.

The most shocking thing about the US for me so far was their infommercials promoting medication and drugs with sometimes fatal side affects and the amount of drugs that were being promoted but not even FDA approved and stated so or ommitted to state, basically telling the viewer take at your own risk...of death or the condition worsening.

Try to imagine turning on your tv screen to see an advert promoting a new product to help cure allergies and hay fever etc which you are in much need of as the old med is not working only to then hear the voice over state that-and I quote....

May cause temporary blindness, cataracts, eye and or
nasal infection, dizziness, headaches and rash.

WTF!?!

It doesnt end there, they currently have a new razor out that is said to be the best razor yet and if you order now they will send you a second one half price with a free butchers knife WTF!?!

Sheeesh!!!

I would go again though I woud just know better and try harder to shop at the irght places now I know where to go ...just have to get driving again.

Anyway.... before I go I wanted to share with you an artist I am keeping my eye on, you can find her Myspace page on my list of pages I like to visit, I think her voice is amazing and so far this is my fave song.

The story thus far.....

Sunday morning I had my braids done by the stylist that comes to my home.... she had been away for a while and I guess she was losing her touch, the braids were too big the sections to small and the end result even after making a few comments has now resulted in my very fine mixed heritage hair being pulled from the roots......

Mad? you damn right I am. I have mentioned time and time again that I cannot have such heavy braids in my hair, the first time she did my hair the style was wonderful, she is usually very good and very fast, 3-4hours for a full head, this time it took her 8 hours for twice the thickness.

It's horrible to complain when most of it is finished and well, I believe in life there are certain people you should never piss off....



Your Doctor, Your Solicitor, The chef/cook, waiter/waitress and last but by no means least.... your hair stylist



So I paid her -more than I thought she deserved in hindsight-and let her go home.



>>>>>>>>>>FAST FORWARD>>>>>>>>>



Monday morning.

I tried to get some rest so I wouldnt be too tired but I was and ended up getting a taxi to King X thames link for the London to Brighton service Via Gatwick Airport.

Got there in plenty of time so I decided to check in at 06:45, my flight was not until 10:30 but I wanted to try and get the 'Bulk head' or an 'Exit' seat as my legs are so long and on such a long flight I was sure to be uncomfortable with anything else. It didnt work, I lucked out on this trip.



So as it was I sat in my little aisle seat behind a man who insisted on pushing back in the seat to get comfortable, I did kindly ask him at the begining of the flight if he would mind not doing so but he obvioulsy was a dick and he did it anyway....My poor knees.
To make it worse I was dehydrating rapidly, I didnt think to buy a bottle of water at the airport, with all the new regulations and security measures it didnt occure to me that as long as you purchased the food or beverage at the airport AFTER you checked in and got through the departure lounge then it was ok.



So there I sat in the bucket seat, leg cramping up, dehydrating and very emotional due to impending period compounded with hyper sensitivity. It was all started off by a rather abrupt and miserable flight attendant who snapped at me on my way back from the loo because I had brushed passed her hair as she was bending down- the truth is I hardly felt it and due to trying to avoid crashing into a toddler walking freely separated from his mother and the fact that the plane just did a bit of a dip I lost my balance and swerved a little in her direction as she was bent over looking into her luggage.... no doubt to reapply her heavy war paint to the Rhino hide face she had inherited. *Meaooooow*



I duly apologised but that just didnt make a difference, then to make my journey all the more pleasant my neck ache started, out of the blue, I was sure I had packed my pain killers but I couldnt find them so even though I knew that onboard a pane the chances of me getting a pain killer was not as big as the flight attendant's beufont, I asked her anyway only to be answered rather abruptly without so much of a 'can I get you a hot drink? or a cold compress?" fucking WITCH!!



Being dehydrated I decided I needed to ask for some water... I was not about to ask the WITCH anything again, so I managed to get 3 cupsof water an orange juice and a hot tea during the entire flight and I truly wish I had not bothered. Every damn 15-20 mins I had to use the loo, my fibroids have a way of reminding me they are there and going no where anytime soon.

I think due to my uterus getting swollen the fibroids are being pushed closer to my bladder, May need that free sample of TENA Lady afterall.

It was all in all very embarassing trying to avoid the looks from people in my vacinity of the plane due to the fact I couldnt contain myself. Finally with just 40 mins to go till we landed in Charlotte North Carolina I decided to exact revenge and fight back against my body to hold my pee till we landed, That's a lose lose situation I'll tell ya.

I was so tired, emotional and in so much pain from the legs the neck and also my uncomfortably full bladder I just sat and cried silently with my had down trying to make the best of the worst flight I have ever had in my life.



Landed in Charlotte North Carolina and needed the loo desperately. Went through customs smoothly after a few expertly probing questions from an official...Why is it even when you are not guilty you feel like you are!?! I felt like a 'mule', finally I get through another set of security areas and board the second plane to my final destination...



I am competely oblivious to the people around me as I try to look for the 'Baggage claim' section and I hear my name called out, the voice is familiar, for a hot minute my eyes searched through the people and I see hym, leaning against a wall in an open Khaki coloured shirt with a white t-shirt underneath, biege 3/4 length combat shorts and crisp white trainers. Standing beside hyr is Star, looking at me with a big smile on her face. I hug them both and collect my luggage after exchanging pleasantries and a few admiring glances.

>>>>>>>>Fast Forward>>>>>>>

We grab a pizza as it is late by the time we get to the house and we settle down to talk for a little while before Star is sent to bed for her big day at "work" the following morning.

We just sit and look at eachother for a while, my stomach flips as her green eyes stare at me, not smiling but desiring. We unfold and pump up the airbed - she lives in a one bedroom apartment for the time being and her daughter has the bedroom-after sorting the bed out my heart starts to race as I make my way to the shower to get freshened up and ready to collapse, secretly and defiantly wanting to betray the natural urge to sleep only to be able to stay up long enough to observe what might transpire between us next...... Tipota... Nothing.



That night she sleeps on the couch like a true gentlmyn and after talking a little more and exchanging "God, I want you" glances hy bids me good night, my heart sinks... Serves me right though. I am restless and my sleep is fitful, keep waking up feeling very aroused only to turn over and see hy is still on the couch fast asleep.....maybe hy doesnt want me afterall.....



We finally wake up at 6am to get Star off to her meeting point and as they leave knowing it will take only 20min before hy returns I race to the bathroom to freshen up, brush my teeth, adjust my headscarf and pack away the airbed to sit seductively on the couch... managing to grab the pooch to complete the picture just before I hear the keys in the door. Hy comes back with 2 hours to spare before work. I make some room on the couch and we sit at opposit ends body language saying a lot.



We talk about spiritual experiences and perspectives, just the type of light conversation you want first thing in the morning, I think we were just both nervous, hy keeps looking at me with those green eyes and my heart is pounding out of my chest. I feel so comfortable being here, almost like it is exactly where I have always been.



Hy gets ready for work and I get a quick peck on the lips, we both stand there embracing eachother for a hot minute, both of us wanting more but knowing we need to move on, time is not on our side. It was awkward prior to the kiss, we are like teenagers both wanting to do it yet not sure if the timing is right, both of us wondering how this "goodbye" is going to go.... I later find out hy created that feeling on purpose to tease me. I like hym more.



>>>>>>Fast Forward>>>>>>

I cook dinner like the helpful house guest I am and entertain Star for a little while when she arrives home from "work".



Hy comes home, we all chat for a while and decide to get an early night. I offer the other side of the mattress to hym and hy accepts, RESULT!!

Except one thing........ As we get comfortable the dog decides to get in the middle for a snuggle of her own.. HELL NO!!! Those who know me know that I love animals but I wont tolerate animals on or in the bed. I felt so awkward and digusted but I kept quiet for a little while then I felt that I had to say something so I gently said that I was not ok with the dog sleeping in the bed and that it was something that I would need time to adjust to..... NOW I knew full well that I would never "adjust" to having a dog or cat sleep on the bed but I wanted to not come across as aggressive or insulting about my position, afterall I am in their house and she is obvioulsy used to this behaviour and treatment.



Now dont get me wrong, I do fully understand that a pet is for most people the only consistent loving companion in their lives, many of them last longer than the longest relationship and Daddi and Frou have been buddies for 15 years before and after Daddi got sober 12 years ago but I truly believe that animals, as lovely as they are, are animals and they lick their own arses, the arses of other dogs, sometimes eat their own shit, lick their genitalia and generally walk in crap outside, you will never get me allowing a pet to lick my face or sleep in MY sleeping quaters.



This does not mean I dont give love or affection, on the contrary, I hug them, I am able to sit with them and I even talk to them and treat them with love and respect but the fact remains that as clean and "hygienic" as they might be, the level of hygiene in animals and humans are very different, the acceptable bacteria and forms of bacteria are different.



Now it gets me to thinking, in part it must be a cultural thing as well as a personal preference thing, I have yet to date a woman of colour who sleeps with her pets, in our community as a whole, it is not acceptable and frowned upon. Not saying that certain individuals of an ethnic background do not do this but in my experience it tends to be mainly women from western countries....... ok dammit I will say what I mean... White women, as much as I have no issues dating women of other races at all, in fact most of the women I date so happen to be white, the one constant thing I have had come up numerous times and what has contributed to even being turned down is that most, not all, of the white women I have dated wouldnt think twice about sharing themselves intimately with their pets.

It is something I just dont agree with.Hygiene is something I am steadfast about and even though I can see why such bonds are formed it does not excuse it, so instead of making a woman choose between her pet companion and me in the past I would rather leave and move on.

So.... There I am laying on this bed feeling awful, I have just told this woman that I am not comfortable with this and she has decided to sleep on the couch....WITH the dog. Now I thought maybe she just didnt want to be with me and was trying to turn me off... dammit it worked.
I was angry that she decided in that moment to go and sleep on the couch and leave me hanging, especially after our raunchy conversation on her office phone earlier in the day and the sexy story she had me read to get me in "the mood" for when she got home I felt majorly rejected and I had to get up and take time out in the bathroom, due to the hormones I had a little cry and tried to rationalise the situation in my head. I hate crying, it's usually because I am premenstrual why I do.

I get back in bed and dammit I cant sleep... I am so wound up and disappointed in all in one fail swoop I just lay there feeling like crap because I have also hurt hys feelings and I lost out.

The morning was tense, I tried to make small talk and act natural but hy was cranky from having a bad nights sleep obvioulsy stumped as to what to do about the imposing mut.

I decided in my mind that I was not going to let it spoil the trip and that I would leave it to hym to figure it out, and unfortunately I would have to stay put and silently give the ultimatum... either you make the pooch sleep somewhere else or you dont get any..... Blackmail? NO... simply me putting my foot down and validating my feelings as well as hys, for heavens sake it is not like I am saying get rid of the dog or me....



I make a couple poignant remarks and kiss Daddi on the cheek and usher hym through the door off to work thinking.... 'You go figure out what to do with your pooch'..... But I didnt say it.

Little Star is home today, she is not feeling so good.... not enough sleep that's why, so I agreed to allowing her to stay home with me, I dont mind she is a good kid and providing she doesnt build a camp fire in the house I am good letting her do her thing, making sure she eats and is ok.

Daddi called me whilst typing this and we had a chat about last night, hy agreed that it was an uncomfortable situation for us both and that it took a while before hys Ex got around it, I assured hym that I would'nt, as much as I respect the position this pet has as part of the family, I wouldnt be budging.



Hy said hy understood and admitted hy did'nt know what to do and stated jokingly that the dog didnt have much longer to live if it was any consolation.... NO It IS NOT!! If this dog died whilst I was here especially after last night I would definately feel terrible and guilty. I dont want the dog to die I just want the dog the have a place to sleep that is not with me.



I said that if Daddi wanted to "get any" hy would have to sort something out. Hy said that when hy does get- I quote...- Hys " freak on" the pooch knows when to stay away and finds somewhere else to sleep.... I made it clear that there was no way that I would be getting it on and then sharing the bed with said gate crasher post orgasm.



So there it is left...... I am not talking to the dog today and unless Daddi does something and puts hys foot down I wont be talking to hym either and hy will be spending every night on the couch and not so much of a kiss on the lips...... Yes I am giving an ultimatum this time because now I think I am past caring, they have to meet me half way Dammit.

God I am so dehydrated it is awful, my skin feels like sand paper no matter how much moisturiser I put on and my throat feels like the Sahara in a sand storm. flipping Air conditioning.



Off to finish the rest of the raunchy butch/femme story Daddi gave me to read..... In hope that tonight I will be able to satiate my desire. Daddi later confessed that hy fancied me and just wanted to be a gentlmyn not pouncing on my the first night, but last night hy was more than ready and he lay awake feeling angry with Frou for sticking a spanner in the works but tonight will be different. I teased like a naughty girl and mocked Daddi.



Hy said I will pay for it later.....

5 Hours Behind....

Hey

I am just checking in as I arrived yesterday but I didn't fair too well on the travelling and the connecting flight and stuff so taking today to chill out and get some more sleep as Daddi and offspring are out at work and school, well I will call her STAR, today she is on a field trip and guess what??.....

They have this mini village here that the kids get to go and learn at how to be Cashiers, Managers, Bank clerks and the such, so for the day they get to go to "work"....How cool is that!! The shops are exact replicas of the real shops, banks etc

They even teach them how to write cheques and handle money and about business, this is all part of the school curriculum. Star is a darling, she is mixed race beautiful eyes and features just like her Mum, you definitely know who her mother is looking at them.

I am spending the day to get better sleep and playing video games and playing with the miniature poodle called 'Frou'. Yeah a butch with a poodle... I know.. long story and to be honest it is not mine to tell so....Let's just laugh out loud at the irony. :o) LOL

I will give you an update later and also tell you what the argument was all about.

But for now, I am here and going to rest today.