Mo' Work Mo' Money

Well after waking up today aching slightly, I killed time on the net purchased my new juicer for £199, (expensive I know but all will become clear soon) bought my mum some clothes rails, ordered another set top box for the boudoir and sorted out my TV licence then made my way to work.

They have offered me a good run of a few months I think I may take it although it definately is NOT what I want to do as I am working to become a PA in media preferbly for someone famous or high profile, but for now this will do, at least it is money coming in right...

Anyway last time posted I said I would tell you all about what has been happening. OK well here goes... you sitting comfortably I will try to cut out the boring bits.

Coming home after a day out avoiding the carnival I was waiting on the silverlink train platform for the next train when I spotted a man pacing up and down the open air platform getting agitated and almost looking for a confrontation from the many passengers also waiting.

He made his way over to us and started saying the word N***** as he paced infront of us (SB is white).

I told her not to do anything as he was a pr*ck. I ignored him as he carried on for the next 5mins till the train came, pacing infront of myself and one other black man repeating it.

As the train pulled in, we stood back to make sure he didn't follow us into the same carriage, we rushed to another carriage hoping he didn't see us but he did and tried to follow us into the carriage, as he was trying to get on I said very loudly not to let him on as he was racially abusive and SB - already in a packed carriage -tried to block him from getting on, as this happened I was arguing with him saying I was not going to share the same carriage as this man as he called me a f***ing N***** completely unprovoked and pushed him off the train just before the doors closed shut.

I am annoyed because I think he got what he wanted from his pathetic existence -a reaction-from someone, anyone. I always stick up for what I think is right and don't usually get physical as I think no-one has the right to put their hands on another but I was furiously adamant I didn't want to share the same space with him giving him the opportunity to abuse me further, afterall no one on the platform said anything so for him that would have been a green light.

I was patted on the back by two other black people on the packed train after the incident, but I still wanted to cry, I was humiliated in public because of my race and usually so strong two days later I felt like crap and was too embarrassed at the time to tell my family or friends who know me.

It's been many years since I have been racially abused and I forgot how much it hurts, I'm glad I did something but annoyed I think he won.......it took a while to sink in as I tried to downplay it and reassure SB whilst she was staying with me, she was feeling guilty she didn't do more (but I am not angry at her, there was nothing more rational she could have done at the time)



So that was that....then

SB and I Had our first counselling session as a couple and it went ok, we were both open to it and even became tearful, I think she realised how harsh she treated me. Anyway we came out there feeling slightly awkward but ok and hopeful.

Had a few weeks to mull over what was discussed and we soent some time together but nothing sexual nand we had a great laugh.......until that is it all went pearshaped.

One weekend she lost it all because my best mate had asked if I had heard from her and if she was ok and i said yes, that was all..... but SB didnt wnat me to mention ANYTHING ot my best mate and basically lie, i didnt get that and she hit the roof and stormed out then stormed back in and threw something at my head which i later realised was a pack of the sunday paper, It was pretty hard, anyway I tried to keep calm buyt she started kicking things and trying to smash stuff. She eventually calmed down after lots of shouting from us both and she wanted to make it all ok, I asked her to leave and said I didnt think we should be around eachother for awhile.

For a few days I had little necesary contact or no contact with her, by the thrusday she called me to ask if I wanted to go to the theatre, I thanked her and declined as it wasnt my thing what she was going to see... actually she booked the tickets for that in advance for her mum as a surprise but they had had an argument and she decided to call me.

I knew something was up so I called her back and asked if she wanted to talk I could tell by her voice she was mad and the only person asoide from me that gets her that angry is her mother, dad or brother..didnt take a genius......

Well she snapped and said NO then told me that we have nothing in common and the sessions were a waste of time - by this point we had had 2 sessions in total - and she said I should call up and cancel the next one due the following Friday.

I left it for 30mins or so and then sent her a text to ask if she was sure as if I didnt give the woman a weeks notice we would still have to pay, her reply "Yes, Cancel" so I DID. I then got a call asking if i did it already and when i said yes she basically gave me the guilt trip and took her anger out on me then hung up.

I didnt speak to her for awhile and when she texted me and apologised I accepted but didnt want to speak to her for a while as I had the big hospital consultation on the following Monday and I was nervous and I didnt want to have to deal with her shit.

Well monday at the hospital : OK... Found out I have Endometriosis in addition to Fibroids AND Polycystic Ovaries. The fibroids they are not concerned about affecting my fertility but they are going to perform Laparascopic surgery - to determine and treat the Endometriosis and polycystic ovaries - which is a key hole procedure into my belly button to zap me where needed and to drill holes in my ovaries.

Am I worried? yep! As don't even know if after that I will get pg anyway, and I have never been under general anaesthetic before but going through with it.


I also have been told I need to lose 3 Stone, hence why I am exercising and trying to eat healthy, OH! and why I bought a very expensive juicer, figured might as well do it right and I wanted one that I would be sure would last and it got reviews on WHICH? website so... what better reason besides I can buy huge bowls of fruit on the highstreet for a £1, so when it arrives I should be juicing happy.

So that is more or less the story so far will update you on more tomorrow.... I am now off to put my feet up and eat more Farleys Rusk...oh damn they're finished. Oh well.

I have added a few links to pages that will help explain the surgery on this side >>>>

All Made Up

Well what can I say, I am still beaming from the P!nk concert I got to touch the goddess herself OMG!!

I woke up early on the Tuesday as I couldnt sleep... 4am early... I know, I know. Anyway I pottered around the house for a bit and decided to start getting ready about 8, was out the house by 10.10 and arrived at Brixton tube at about 11.15am, walked to the venue, saw a couple people there but I was busting to go wee and get some breakkie before I assumed my place in the queue.

Opted for cheap maccy D's and promptly laid eyes on a group of fellow P!nk fans who had the same idea, I made small talk and they invited me over to their table where I noticed about 10 of them were chatting and joking. I sheepishly took my place as I waited for my oh so (not delicious) cheese burger. After making introductions and highlighting that I saw one of the members on the P!nk DVD filmed at Wembley.

I made my way back to the venue as I get shy and reserved around groups of people and even though I have a big Personality amongst other things ;) I tend to shy away from trying to vie for attention and on my way back it was like a P!nk convention, I made my way to the line and got given a raffle ticket for myself and SB who I assured the security Guard was coming to join me later. 89 & 90.

I made jokes and talked and listened to stories of meeting P!nk and how she had managed to change their lives and who was her biggest fans and all of a sudden I felt rather out of place... I was not this P!nk fanatic, i almost felt like I didnt do my conversation partners justice as I had no stories for them other than I liked her form 2001 and never looked back but dont collect her chewing gum wrappers or buy her green frogs to add to the collection she probably gives to charity anyway. Can you imagine 30.000 frogs sitting in your home??... Arrgghhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Finally SB arrived with my dinner ( yet another burger from Mac D's but the choice was limited and I did suggest it) and a chocolate milkshake Mmmmm...

I was really pleased to see her, she still makes me smile through it all... counted its almost 5 years since we met...ok so I am rounding off the numbers but hey! Unlike my past P!nk concert buddy, SB was enthusiastic got on with the crowd I had befriended and was generally a good laugh, she bought me a Pair of Pink flashing Bunny ears I loved them, they were later to almost cause WWIII... more on that later.

Anyway finally the crowd started to move and we were all gobsmacked when we noticed that the queue had gone all the way AROUND the brixton academy and back out onto the road and almost down to the traffic lights, BOY was I glad I got there early, you may laugh at the time of my arrival but imagine at that time i was only number 89!!! they stopped giving out Raffle tickets by the time it got to 101...Oh did i forget to mention WHY the Raffle ticket system was implemented?... Sorry... because there were many of us that wanted to go and get something to eat, go for a walk or a piss or simply a change of scene these ensured no one jumped queue or lost their place.

Finally getting into the venue there was a bag search... BLAST less time to get to the front before others, anyway I finally made it and was only 2 people away form the front, being tall I didnt have a problem with this..IIonly secretly wished i was the first but for that I would have had to queue from the night before evidently.

As the crowds moved in people tried to assume strong positions and test their cameras were working.... only to then have them confiscated by the security till after the show.. I kept mine but fat lot a good that was Grrrr... NO pics that could be seen, GUTTED.

well the Support act came on and well lets say the crowd were not interested in them and even started to chant

" WHO ARE YA? WHO ARE YA?"

..... Poor guys, it was embarassing, then they started to shout...

" WE WANT PINK!"

I was mortified and thought it really rude, as I explained to a
new found buddy, the acts are SUPPORTING P!nk therefor we should be polite
at least. anyway they gave it their best shot.

After they fininshed trying to get the crowd ready and failing pretty miserably in my opinion, the stage went dark for them to re-adjust the sound and lighting for the goddess.

During this time some Skank decided that my bunny ears wear offending her and she couldnt see the darkened stage.... obviously she wanted to see the stage equiptment, either that or she wanted to pick a fight, anyway when she called out

Oi BUGSY Take off ya ears!!

I decided to make a joke of it and thought being that we were in high spirits she would see the funny side so I replied...

Me? take of my ears? their PINK are you mad?

She didnt see the funny side and got arsey so.. I duly ignored her, she continued to shout and holla that my ears were in the way so finally I decided to reply...

If you had asked me nicely and not been such a smart mouth bitch I would
have...So NO I wont.

To a round of cheers and praises, much to my surprise... the next 20 mins were her trying to nab my ears off me and pushing other people forward, when someone brought it to my attention she was trying to nab them I spun round and shouted.

Trust me... you dont wanna do that

Needless to say it ceased and I didnt want any more confrontation so ignored her grumbles and offending comments about my ears and her empty threats. Finally someone reported her to a security guard and they watched her the whole concert

During which time i then had to intervene in another confrontation just to stop it from escalating, the offender was clearly very drunk and after a few words from me he soon calmed down and the offendee was placated... she was a scary looking dyke and sure she would have eaten his brain for dinner.

Anyway I GOT TO TOUCH HER!!!!!!!!!!!



P!NK .. I think your skin is the softest I have ever felt....*drool*



I would definately go again and if I had known the raffle ticket system I would have been back the following day to get mine then go home and sleep for a few more hours.

SB stayed over. On the way home we grabed a Ken-Duty fried chicken meal and went back to mine, no rumpy pumpy just lost of talks and laughs about the night and what would have happened if it had all kicked off, she is a "sturdy girl" and if shit hits fan with us we are in it like Bruce and Jet Li.... I know she will always have my back and even though I am femme I know she knows I would kill for her if needs must.



Anyway we spent the next couple of days together chatting and watching movies and avoiding relationship type talk or talking about "US" and just enjoyed eachothers company.... it was'nt hard. we even manged to sleep in the same bed and not get fruity.

Latest update 11.9.2007:

I am sorry it has been awhile, I have been going through alot. Racist abuse, violent out bursts, counselling sessions, news from the hospital and lots of crying ...sooo much has happened you wouldnt believe it, I am not in a great place right now emotionally but have some stories to share, so bear with me....and through all this...thinking about one person in particular makes me smile.

Right now though I have just come from the gym and my first lesson in Yoga and a swim so off to bed as really tired but will tell all tomorrow night as I now have the internet at home and I have my laptop back.