A Change is about to come......

Famous Last words, or Prophetic?

Well since last blogging I am starting to feel a little better about my life, so lets see... where do I start?....

Weeeell, the weekend before last, when I was feeling extremely horny I ended up on this website and saw a woman advertising for another, I was captured by her profile title 'Daddi seeks Hys Queen' ...

"Oooh"

I thought.. nice line. Now you know what sold me on that dont you...? Come on you must be getting to know me by now LOL... yep you got it, it was the word "Daddi".

I decided to click on the link to get more info, read through the criteria made sure she was butch and of a good height.. Tick .,.. Tick... and then if she wanted kids?... Ti- OH... it said she already had one and didnt want anymore. Now usually I would be put off but seeing as I am not looking for a relationship it didnt matter to me.

Well then I scrolled down and saw a pic.... CUTE!!!!.. interestingly enough this was a site mainly for women of colour- to be honest I was only on that site as I was looking for more erotic reading online and my curiosity made me look at the personals.. knowing full well they were all going to be in the USA. I was just curious is all. - This woman was white and clearly stated that she didnt care if people didnt like the fact she was on a site predominantly for women of colour she didnt discriminate. That got my attention.

I decided to email her and simply state that I wouldnt mind making a new friend and that I thought she was cute..... finally after adding a link to my picture and pressing send.. my pc broke again DOH!!

I waited anxioulsy the next day for a reply and when one came she asked if I thought she was cute as in " puppy dog cute"... that made me giggle, I used my PDA to respond and made it very clear I thought she looked sexy... well from then on we have been talking everyday via phone and the net, she is very spiritual, has a good job that is worthwhile and fulfilling that she loves, she has an adorable daughter and a great sense of humour.

I am planning to go and see her in two weeks.... OK OK most would think I was mad but to be honest I have done far riskier things in my time and she seems nice. Besides....

1) I had decided I needed a break from the UK for a couple weeks now as the stress of dealing with the bitch and the hozzie appointments have been getting me down.

2) I can afford it and why wait?!

3) I will be moving to the states anyway in a few years so why not take the opportunity to go and see as much of the place as possible

So why Not!?! I say, I will only live once and I have a good feeling about it, besides I think she may just be worth it even if we end up being only friends and not clicking in that way. I have always had a weaknes for American women especially the butch ones.. Mmmmm.

OK a bit more about her?.. Well she is 36, a Gemini, lives with her daughter and also is a counsellor appointed by the court system to help people with addictions.... I know!! I just keep finding these women with connections to alcohol and drugs in some form or another - it has been pointed out that maybe more people take part in these things than I know.

She is also a Reverend!! I LOL I know I know!! CRAZY!! or what!!?! Well anyway...... she is also into parapsychology and deals with supernatural phenomena... I am so excited!!! I have been really interested in that stuff from a child and finally meeting someone else who has a healthy interest is really exciting for me. Not only that but her life is lived by utilising Bhuddist beliefs and she is very spiritual as well as a realist.

I have sent her a Tesco internet phone so we can keep intouch for free and chat whenever we want.. its FREEEEEEE and we all know that Freeness is Goodness. She should get it soon.

I am not thinking she is Hysband material but you know what?... If she is then she is.

OK enough about that for a while.

I have also been thinking maybe I need to change my skills, talking to 'Stud' last night I was thinking maybe I should go into youth counselling... I know I would be a great counsellor and I love working with and helping to inspire young people. You may remember me talking about meeting this woman in the steam room a few weeks back and being sure she was a Lesbian... well how WRONG was I?? Very infact, I saw her this weekend and we had a chat as I was waiting for my Total body work out class to begin... Yes I went back for more punishment.....it turns out she is also trying for a baby with her BOYFRIEND and she is older than me.

She asked me what I did for a living and I told her, she asked if I would be interested in mentoring young people and giving talks on various topics?... I was shocked but agreed and also said that I had been thinking about doing youth work and opening up a centre in the past.

She said whe would email me this week with more info and obviously it would be unpaid.

Suits me.

I finsh at my current post on Friday, ... so that leaves me free to decide and go away on holiday for two weeks. I am already wondering what quals would give me the upper hand when I do finally go to the States.

Oh I just wanted to share something with you that 'Daddi' sent me to help me try to get through all the things I am going through right now and in particular I think the whole Fertility thing..

It is called 'Dying professors last lecture'




The last quote almost made me cry, this is one of the things I like about her, I get things like this that help me through what I am going through in life. Only my best friend and selective others think about me and my needs in this way and for that I will forever love them.

OK what else do I have to share ......My juicer is still going strong and I am losing weight.. I can feel it and also I am getting a lot fitter especially as I can now walk up 60 steps without being out of breath and without stopping whilst the others take the adjoining escalators at my local tube station. I will progress to running up them by this time 2010.

I recently heard that the Bitch is back on the drugs and drinking, I think I did the best thing to get away from her for good, she is far too destructive, maybe she is hurting but FUCKING GET COUNSELLING AND STICK WITH IT YA DOOFUSS!!! Anyway.... Anytime I feel an ounce of pity for her I think of all the shit I put up with. Daddi said something very interesting the other day.....

.." The closest us "Normal" people come to insanity is being in love"

I totally agree.....Thank you Daddi....xx

Too Skinny for Skinny Jeans

Hey
Well I cant stay long tonight I am shattered, I have had less than 16 hours sleep in 3 days.. Knackered. Not because of sex, just a lot going on and not eating properly, In fact I am even too skinny for my skinny jeans that I bought a month ago, if that.

My diet has been going well and I find if I dont get to eat dinner I make some juice with at least 5 different fruit and veg and I am good to go to bed. Speaking of which I am really in need to go to bed and get my groove on with my new 32 inches... ooh I didnt think I could take more than 3 LOL

Anyway I will fill you in later on speaking to a Butch Daddi online and thinking about going to Florida for two weeks the week after next....

Blown away

Hey, I'm feeling a little better today, well this evening anyway, and thanks to my juicer.

After I got my juicer home last night I didnt have any fruit or veg good enough, so I chucked what I had out and decided that today after work I would buy some more.

Once home I start to wash and chop 2 carrots, 1/4 cucumber and two celery sticks with one orange.

The result was amazing!! My juicer is the fucking bollocks!! I love it. I was so amazed I couldnt help saying, "That's so amazing, That's so amazing".

I just have to share the pics with you.

Here just showing you my baby in action, the Pulp is really dry, slightest damp feeling to it.

Here, the amount I got out of my ingredients (including the dried cranberries)

And here, the lack of froth and gritty bits.....ACE!

I also went into Holland & Barratt and bought a lot of goodies including some Spirulina to add to my juices.

Just so you understand how ditzy I am sometimes, I even thought it a good idea to try and extract juice from the packet of dried Cranberries I purchased today....... * blush*

Here is my meal today, I actually enjoyed it... 2 organic discounted beef burgers (100% beef chopped) on a bed of salad and Alfalfa with mixed sprouts(not brussels....Yuck)

Not really in the mood to blog feelings today, I think I just want to focus on how fit I am going to be and how I will get pregnant by hook or by crook or a few operations. I am staying focused and determined to lose the weight.

Will blog more tomorrow eve....maybe. Watching the Reality channel about a real life haunting in Georgia. Mwaaa haa haaa. Night xx

Mo' Work Mo' Money

Well after waking up today aching slightly, I killed time on the net purchased my new juicer for £199, (expensive I know but all will become clear soon) bought my mum some clothes rails, ordered another set top box for the boudoir and sorted out my TV licence then made my way to work.

They have offered me a good run of a few months I think I may take it although it definately is NOT what I want to do as I am working to become a PA in media preferbly for someone famous or high profile, but for now this will do, at least it is money coming in right...

Anyway last time posted I said I would tell you all about what has been happening. OK well here goes... you sitting comfortably I will try to cut out the boring bits.

Coming home after a day out avoiding the carnival I was waiting on the silverlink train platform for the next train when I spotted a man pacing up and down the open air platform getting agitated and almost looking for a confrontation from the many passengers also waiting.

He made his way over to us and started saying the word N***** as he paced infront of us (SB is white).

I told her not to do anything as he was a pr*ck. I ignored him as he carried on for the next 5mins till the train came, pacing infront of myself and one other black man repeating it.

As the train pulled in, we stood back to make sure he didn't follow us into the same carriage, we rushed to another carriage hoping he didn't see us but he did and tried to follow us into the carriage, as he was trying to get on I said very loudly not to let him on as he was racially abusive and SB - already in a packed carriage -tried to block him from getting on, as this happened I was arguing with him saying I was not going to share the same carriage as this man as he called me a f***ing N***** completely unprovoked and pushed him off the train just before the doors closed shut.

I am annoyed because I think he got what he wanted from his pathetic existence -a reaction-from someone, anyone. I always stick up for what I think is right and don't usually get physical as I think no-one has the right to put their hands on another but I was furiously adamant I didn't want to share the same space with him giving him the opportunity to abuse me further, afterall no one on the platform said anything so for him that would have been a green light.

I was patted on the back by two other black people on the packed train after the incident, but I still wanted to cry, I was humiliated in public because of my race and usually so strong two days later I felt like crap and was too embarrassed at the time to tell my family or friends who know me.

It's been many years since I have been racially abused and I forgot how much it hurts, I'm glad I did something but annoyed I think he won.......it took a while to sink in as I tried to downplay it and reassure SB whilst she was staying with me, she was feeling guilty she didn't do more (but I am not angry at her, there was nothing more rational she could have done at the time)



So that was that....then

SB and I Had our first counselling session as a couple and it went ok, we were both open to it and even became tearful, I think she realised how harsh she treated me. Anyway we came out there feeling slightly awkward but ok and hopeful.

Had a few weeks to mull over what was discussed and we soent some time together but nothing sexual nand we had a great laugh.......until that is it all went pearshaped.

One weekend she lost it all because my best mate had asked if I had heard from her and if she was ok and i said yes, that was all..... but SB didnt wnat me to mention ANYTHING ot my best mate and basically lie, i didnt get that and she hit the roof and stormed out then stormed back in and threw something at my head which i later realised was a pack of the sunday paper, It was pretty hard, anyway I tried to keep calm buyt she started kicking things and trying to smash stuff. She eventually calmed down after lots of shouting from us both and she wanted to make it all ok, I asked her to leave and said I didnt think we should be around eachother for awhile.

For a few days I had little necesary contact or no contact with her, by the thrusday she called me to ask if I wanted to go to the theatre, I thanked her and declined as it wasnt my thing what she was going to see... actually she booked the tickets for that in advance for her mum as a surprise but they had had an argument and she decided to call me.

I knew something was up so I called her back and asked if she wanted to talk I could tell by her voice she was mad and the only person asoide from me that gets her that angry is her mother, dad or brother..didnt take a genius......

Well she snapped and said NO then told me that we have nothing in common and the sessions were a waste of time - by this point we had had 2 sessions in total - and she said I should call up and cancel the next one due the following Friday.

I left it for 30mins or so and then sent her a text to ask if she was sure as if I didnt give the woman a weeks notice we would still have to pay, her reply "Yes, Cancel" so I DID. I then got a call asking if i did it already and when i said yes she basically gave me the guilt trip and took her anger out on me then hung up.

I didnt speak to her for awhile and when she texted me and apologised I accepted but didnt want to speak to her for a while as I had the big hospital consultation on the following Monday and I was nervous and I didnt want to have to deal with her shit.

Well monday at the hospital : OK... Found out I have Endometriosis in addition to Fibroids AND Polycystic Ovaries. The fibroids they are not concerned about affecting my fertility but they are going to perform Laparascopic surgery - to determine and treat the Endometriosis and polycystic ovaries - which is a key hole procedure into my belly button to zap me where needed and to drill holes in my ovaries.

Am I worried? yep! As don't even know if after that I will get pg anyway, and I have never been under general anaesthetic before but going through with it.


I also have been told I need to lose 3 Stone, hence why I am exercising and trying to eat healthy, OH! and why I bought a very expensive juicer, figured might as well do it right and I wanted one that I would be sure would last and it got reviews on WHICH? website so... what better reason besides I can buy huge bowls of fruit on the highstreet for a £1, so when it arrives I should be juicing happy.

So that is more or less the story so far will update you on more tomorrow.... I am now off to put my feet up and eat more Farleys Rusk...oh damn they're finished. Oh well.

I have added a few links to pages that will help explain the surgery on this side >>>>