Well after waking up today aching slightly, I killed time on the net purchased my new juicer for £199, (expensive I know but all will become clear soon) bought my mum some clothes rails, ordered another set top box for the boudoir and sorted out my TV licence then made my way to work.They have offered me a good run of a few months I think I may take it although it definately is NOT what I want to do as I am working to become a PA in media preferbly for someone famous or high profile, but for now this will do, at least it is money coming in right...
Anyway last time posted I said I would tell you all about what has been happening. OK well here goes... you sitting comfortably I will try to cut out the boring bits.
Coming home after a day out avoiding the carnival I was waiting on the silverlink train platform for the next train when I spotted a man pacing up and down the open air platform getting agitated and almost looking for a confrontation from the many passengers also waiting.
He made his way over to us and started saying the word N***** as he paced infront of us (SB is white).
I told her not to do anything as he was a pr*ck. I ignored him as he carried on for the next 5mins till the train came, pacing infront of myself and one other black man repeating it.
As the train pulled in, we stood back to make sure he didn't follow us into the same carriage, we rushed to another carriage hoping he didn't see us but he did and tried to follow us into the carriage, as he was trying to get on I said very loudly not to let him on as he was racially abusive and SB - already in a packed carriage -tried to block him from getting on, as this happened I was arguing with him saying I was not going to share the same carriage as this man as he called me a f***ing N***** completely unprovoked and pushed him off the train just before the doors closed shut.
I am annoyed because I think he got what he wanted from his pathetic existence -a reaction-from someone, anyone. I always stick up for what I think is right and don't usually get physical as I think no-one has the right to put their hands on another but I was furiously adamant I didn't want to share the same space with him giving him the opportunity to abuse me further, afterall no one on the platform said anything so for him that would have been a green light.
I was patted on the back by two other black people on the packed train after the incident, but I still wanted to cry, I was humiliated in public because of my race and usually so strong two days later I felt like crap and was too embarrassed at the time to tell my family or friends who know me.
It's been many years since I have been racially abused and I forgot how much it hurts, I'm glad I did something but annoyed I think he won.......it took a while to sink in as I tried to downplay it and reassure SB whilst she was staying with me, she was feeling guilty she didn't do more (but I am not angry at her, there was nothing more rational she could have done at the time)
So that was that....then
SB and I Had our first counselling session as a couple and it went ok, we were both open to it and even became tearful, I think she realised how harsh she treated me. Anyway we came out there feeling slightly awkward but ok and hopeful.
Had a few weeks to mull over what was discussed and we soent some time together but nothing sexual nand we had a great laugh.......until that is it all went pearshaped.
One weekend she lost it all because my best mate had asked if I had heard from her and if she was ok and i said yes, that was all..... but SB didnt wnat me to mention ANYTHING ot my best mate and basically lie, i didnt get that and she hit the roof and stormed out then stormed back in and threw something at my head which i later realised was a pack of the sunday paper, It was pretty hard, anyway I tried to keep calm buyt she started kicking things and trying to smash stuff. She eventually calmed down after lots of shouting from us both and she wanted to make it all ok, I asked her to leave and said I didnt think we should be around eachother for awhile.
For a few days I had little necesary contact or no contact with her, by the thrusday she called me to ask if I wanted to go to the theatre, I thanked her and declined as it wasnt my thing what she was going to see... actually she booked the tickets for that in advance for her mum as a surprise but they had had an argument and she decided to call me.
I knew something was up so I called her back and asked if she wanted to talk I could tell by her voice she was mad and the only person asoide from me that gets her that angry is her mother, dad or brother..didnt take a genius......
Well she snapped and said NO then told me that we have nothing in common and the sessions were a waste of time - by this point we had had 2 sessions in total - and she said I should call up and cancel the next one due the following Friday.
I left it for 30mins or so and then sent her a text to ask if she was sure as if I didnt give the woman a weeks notice we would still have to pay, her reply "Yes, Cancel" so I DID. I then got a call asking if i did it already and when i said yes she basically gave me the guilt trip and took her anger out on me then hung up.
I didnt speak to her for awhile and when she texted me and apologised I accepted but didnt want to speak to her for a while as I had the big hospital consultation on the following Monday and I was nervous and I didnt want to have to deal with her shit.
Well monday at the hospital : OK... Found out I have Endometriosis in addition to Fibroids AND Polycystic Ovaries. The fibroids they are not concerned about affecting my fertility but they are going to perform Laparascopic surgery - to determine and treat the Endometriosis and polycystic ovaries - which is a key hole procedure into my belly button to zap me where needed and to drill holes in my ovaries.
Am I worried? yep! As don't even know if after that I will get pg anyway, and I have never been under general anaesthetic before but going through with it.
I also have been told I need to lose 3 Stone, hence why I am exercising and trying to eat healthy, OH! and why I bought a very expensive juicer, figured might as well do it right and I wanted one that I would be sure would last and it got reviews on WHICH? website so... what better reason besides I can buy huge bowls of fruit on the highstreet for a £1, so when it arrives I should be juicing happy.
So that is more or less the story so far will update you on more tomorrow.... I am now off to put my feet up and eat more Farleys Rusk...oh damn they're finished. Oh well.
I have added a few links to pages that will help explain the surgery on this side >>>>
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