Adults Only

Image courtesy of Jill Posener @ jillposener.com Her book 'Nothing But The Girl' is pretty cool.

OK, due to the fact I have been up since about 6am reading this persons blog and stories (click on the post title) I have now only got one thing on my mind and contrary to my last post guess what that is......SEX.

Now, not just any kind of sex,Oh No! for it has to be the 'hardest kind to find sex'.......Kinky-butch/femme sex. The submisisons are so erotic I am beside myself with desire and there is nothing I can do about it, no one to turn to for relief.

Now just before I go any further, since gaining readers I have been thinking alot about how I may be judged i.e my Kinks and my quest for mother hood, and I think just for the record I want to say:

Having Kinks does not make a person a bad candidate for parenting, a non consensual pervert and nor does it make you lose all sense of principles and morals.

Just in case some of you were thinking along those lines.

Back to the topic at hand. Thank you to Sugarbutch ( not yet figured out how to include a short url in my posts...can anyone help?) for her blog and allowing it to be open to the public.


It reminded of possibly the best ever (bottom) sex I have ever had and I am (almost)desperately trying to find that connection again, unfortunately it only lasted a couple weeks ( one of the non starters I spoke about in my last post - not sure how to link to that either...help!).

I will call her .....Blue69.

We met on a lesbian dating website and she didnt have a picture, but for some reason I was curious about her, after reading her profile I sent her a message of some kind....my memory fails me on details before our first date... so I shall proceed from there.

We aranged to meet up and I was invited to lunch at a rather swanky resturant/bar/amazing view of the city type location. As well as being eager I was running about 30 mins late in my short denim skirt long boots and a black, sexy yet classy top, that from the right angle - namely from above - you could see my oh so ample cleavage.

I arrived eventually after making a courtesy call saying I was going to be late and offering my apologies, upon arriving I immediately made my way to the ladies to look fresh and sexy, not frazzled and sweaty. Completing the job making sure I had not over done the make-up I didnt want to keep her much longer so out I stepped.

She was sitting by the bar at the back. WOW... She had short dark hair, the most beautiful eyes and a smile that just said she was nervous yet pleased. I was impressed. I was also nervous. She was wearing a black shirt and jeans. We matched.

After greeting me with a kiss on the cheek she ordered me a drink and we sat for awhile, talking about what? I dont remember so....I fast forward.>>>>>

We have a table booked and as we wait for them to open up the restaurant we go outside and take a look at the view, I brought my new digital camera and was eager to get it out and take a few snaps. I took one and as she stepped closer behind me to see the Image I wanted to immortalise form over my shoulder, I got a whiff of her fragrance....my knees almost buckled, how I didn't notice it before I don't know I think it was the nerves, from that point on the sexual charge was intensifying.


We finished our meal and a bottle of champagne then decided to go further into town. we ended up at a movie, we watched 'Transamerica' I remember because I kept the ticket stub, that was the only thing I remember...OH and the fact that Blue69 looked slightly awkward siting next to me, sometimes I would catch a glimpse of her and it was as though her eyes were looking at the movie but she was not watching, in hindsight I think her mind was racing else where.

Then we went into a bar, I waltzed upstairs hoping to find a spot more quiet, less crowded but I was told by the staff it was closed until later that evening, I was disappointed, why? at that time I was not sure.

Downstairs we found a round table and settled on high bar stools and drank, I had a fruit juice, she had beer. She rested her left foot on the foot rest below my stool, parting my legs - I should have known what was coming - she ordered me in a stern whisper to part my legs wider and come closer, I was shy and refused, she didn't like that, and little did I know I would later pay for my refusal that night.

As we drank and talked about nothing I remember, we decided we wanted to go somewhere more comfortable, so I asked her to wait as I went upstairs to the toilet (mainly to check my make-up).

Granted I was up there for a little while and as I stepped out of the cubicle she was standing before me and pushed me back in, to my surprise she pushed me against the cubicle wall and I asked her what she was doing, she said she thought this was what I wanted as she pulled aside my knickers and finger fucked me, I was not quite wet enough but she didn't care and neither did. I had to grab her around the shoulders to steady myself as she made me come.

I was so flustered and dazed.

We left the bar and moved onto another in the heart of SOHO. As we drank we were definitely deliberately teasing each other from across the table with our eyes, our words and eventually we had to go back to mine. The sex that followed was amazing, she dominated me so expertly I didn't have a choice, my submission was hers for the taking and I wanted her to feel 'all powerful' over me and revel in it. That she did. And she made me pay. I deserved it.

She was able to read my body like no one has ever done before and that is something I crave, the intensity between us was raw and that is something I constantly crave. I didn't sleep more than 5 hours that entire weekend, every time I tried, as I turned my back to doze off she would gently grab my waist from behind and press herself against me.


That sends me wild and once discovered, she knew and used it well. I think the fact she was a Police woman and in charge of a team of people also turned me on. She knew how to be in control and she knew how to push me to the limit enough to keep me wanting more, even when I thought I knew I couldn't take any more.

I loved the way she would tell me her darkest fantasies whilst fucking me, I wanted to be the helpless characters in them for her, I wanted to help her live them consensually. I came even more alive through her story telling, stories I wont ever repeat but no doubt her new wife now knows all about.

I can not even begin to describe how she made me feel, it was not about having an orgasm for me, sex never is. For me it's the journey, the teasing, the roles, the "dance", the head fuck. The sensations that overwhelm me when I know the Butch top is gaining more strength through power and getting aroused by being in control of my mind and body, you see in life I am in control and in charge, well as much as one can be, but in the bedroom I like that control taken away-but only by one who knows what they are doing -so that I can trust and reveal myself.

It ended far too quickly, I didn't get the chance to really explore my sub side, this was over a year ago now. Why did it end so quickly? I wanted kids and she didn't, she also didn't want to just fuck and see how things go. So to save getting deeper we called the whole thing off. You cant force someone to want kids when they don't and you cant force someone to not have them.

Am I sad? yeah a little but only because it took me nearly 10 years to open up and find what my kink was and then to find someone who just got it. To find that again will be hard I think.

I haven't got a clue where to start looking, finding her was not planned, if only she eventually wanted kids as well as a relationship wih me, they choice was there, I knew she wanted me back then. I only hope she is happy now and can only wish her the best.