Sick

My mood has changed, I think it started when my phone rang and it was SB. I didn't answer it.

Since, I have sat crying in the bath water, wishing my life was less difficult, it just feels like a struggle, I ache for a child and I have to go through so much for it and it isn't even here yet, and may never be. I am sick of loving someone who can say such hurtful things to me, I'm sick of not having a good fuck by a butch Top whenever I need it.

I am sick of rarely -like once every two years rarely - being sexually satisfied as a Bottom. I'm sick of being strong for everyone else, I'm sick of living alone but when I don't it never lasts, I'm sick of crying, sleeping in an empty bed every night, sick of London, sick of not feeling at all special, sick, sick sick of it all!

And most of all sick of feeling pre-menstrual.

This is how I get when I am 'Due On'...I cry a lot, I feel sorry for myself and I comfort eat.....not usually junk as I cant keep that stuff in my house but like today, I finished all the soup I made last night in the new slow cooker, gradually going back in the pot throughout the day....Need I say I am now farting like a trooper in between sobs and worrying what the heck I will do tomorrow when I cant fart freely in the office, as surely someone will ask me what died behind the radiator over the weekend?!

I need a strong, 6ft + tall, stone butch Top with a sturdy strap-on to take all my frustrations, fears and anxieties away and who will expertly assume total control/dominance over me for as long as I need it.

I hate feeling this low, I just cry and feel guilty for crying because things could be a lot worse, almost as though I don't feel like I have the right to cry. That only makes me feel worse.

Two posts in one day is that normal?!

God I need a cuddle right now.