All Made Up

Well what can I say, I am still beaming from the P!nk concert I got to touch the goddess herself OMG!!

I woke up early on the Tuesday as I couldnt sleep... 4am early... I know, I know. Anyway I pottered around the house for a bit and decided to start getting ready about 8, was out the house by 10.10 and arrived at Brixton tube at about 11.15am, walked to the venue, saw a couple people there but I was busting to go wee and get some breakkie before I assumed my place in the queue.

Opted for cheap maccy D's and promptly laid eyes on a group of fellow P!nk fans who had the same idea, I made small talk and they invited me over to their table where I noticed about 10 of them were chatting and joking. I sheepishly took my place as I waited for my oh so (not delicious) cheese burger. After making introductions and highlighting that I saw one of the members on the P!nk DVD filmed at Wembley.

I made my way back to the venue as I get shy and reserved around groups of people and even though I have a big Personality amongst other things ;) I tend to shy away from trying to vie for attention and on my way back it was like a P!nk convention, I made my way to the line and got given a raffle ticket for myself and SB who I assured the security Guard was coming to join me later. 89 & 90.

I made jokes and talked and listened to stories of meeting P!nk and how she had managed to change their lives and who was her biggest fans and all of a sudden I felt rather out of place... I was not this P!nk fanatic, i almost felt like I didnt do my conversation partners justice as I had no stories for them other than I liked her form 2001 and never looked back but dont collect her chewing gum wrappers or buy her green frogs to add to the collection she probably gives to charity anyway. Can you imagine 30.000 frogs sitting in your home??... Arrgghhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Finally SB arrived with my dinner ( yet another burger from Mac D's but the choice was limited and I did suggest it) and a chocolate milkshake Mmmmm...

I was really pleased to see her, she still makes me smile through it all... counted its almost 5 years since we met...ok so I am rounding off the numbers but hey! Unlike my past P!nk concert buddy, SB was enthusiastic got on with the crowd I had befriended and was generally a good laugh, she bought me a Pair of Pink flashing Bunny ears I loved them, they were later to almost cause WWIII... more on that later.

Anyway finally the crowd started to move and we were all gobsmacked when we noticed that the queue had gone all the way AROUND the brixton academy and back out onto the road and almost down to the traffic lights, BOY was I glad I got there early, you may laugh at the time of my arrival but imagine at that time i was only number 89!!! they stopped giving out Raffle tickets by the time it got to 101...Oh did i forget to mention WHY the Raffle ticket system was implemented?... Sorry... because there were many of us that wanted to go and get something to eat, go for a walk or a piss or simply a change of scene these ensured no one jumped queue or lost their place.

Finally getting into the venue there was a bag search... BLAST less time to get to the front before others, anyway I finally made it and was only 2 people away form the front, being tall I didnt have a problem with this..IIonly secretly wished i was the first but for that I would have had to queue from the night before evidently.

As the crowds moved in people tried to assume strong positions and test their cameras were working.... only to then have them confiscated by the security till after the show.. I kept mine but fat lot a good that was Grrrr... NO pics that could be seen, GUTTED.

well the Support act came on and well lets say the crowd were not interested in them and even started to chant

" WHO ARE YA? WHO ARE YA?"

..... Poor guys, it was embarassing, then they started to shout...

" WE WANT PINK!"

I was mortified and thought it really rude, as I explained to a
new found buddy, the acts are SUPPORTING P!nk therefor we should be polite
at least. anyway they gave it their best shot.

After they fininshed trying to get the crowd ready and failing pretty miserably in my opinion, the stage went dark for them to re-adjust the sound and lighting for the goddess.

During this time some Skank decided that my bunny ears wear offending her and she couldnt see the darkened stage.... obviously she wanted to see the stage equiptment, either that or she wanted to pick a fight, anyway when she called out

Oi BUGSY Take off ya ears!!

I decided to make a joke of it and thought being that we were in high spirits she would see the funny side so I replied...

Me? take of my ears? their PINK are you mad?

She didnt see the funny side and got arsey so.. I duly ignored her, she continued to shout and holla that my ears were in the way so finally I decided to reply...

If you had asked me nicely and not been such a smart mouth bitch I would
have...So NO I wont.

To a round of cheers and praises, much to my surprise... the next 20 mins were her trying to nab my ears off me and pushing other people forward, when someone brought it to my attention she was trying to nab them I spun round and shouted.

Trust me... you dont wanna do that

Needless to say it ceased and I didnt want any more confrontation so ignored her grumbles and offending comments about my ears and her empty threats. Finally someone reported her to a security guard and they watched her the whole concert

During which time i then had to intervene in another confrontation just to stop it from escalating, the offender was clearly very drunk and after a few words from me he soon calmed down and the offendee was placated... she was a scary looking dyke and sure she would have eaten his brain for dinner.

Anyway I GOT TO TOUCH HER!!!!!!!!!!!



P!NK .. I think your skin is the softest I have ever felt....*drool*



I would definately go again and if I had known the raffle ticket system I would have been back the following day to get mine then go home and sleep for a few more hours.

SB stayed over. On the way home we grabed a Ken-Duty fried chicken meal and went back to mine, no rumpy pumpy just lost of talks and laughs about the night and what would have happened if it had all kicked off, she is a "sturdy girl" and if shit hits fan with us we are in it like Bruce and Jet Li.... I know she will always have my back and even though I am femme I know she knows I would kill for her if needs must.



Anyway we spent the next couple of days together chatting and watching movies and avoiding relationship type talk or talking about "US" and just enjoyed eachothers company.... it was'nt hard. we even manged to sleep in the same bed and not get fruity.

Latest update 11.9.2007:

I am sorry it has been awhile, I have been going through alot. Racist abuse, violent out bursts, counselling sessions, news from the hospital and lots of crying ...sooo much has happened you wouldnt believe it, I am not in a great place right now emotionally but have some stories to share, so bear with me....and through all this...thinking about one person in particular makes me smile.

Right now though I have just come from the gym and my first lesson in Yoga and a swim so off to bed as really tired but will tell all tomorrow night as I now have the internet at home and I have my laptop back.

Happier moods....

Tomorrow I am off to see the amazing P.I.N.K in concert.

I saw her for the first time last year on 4th Dec 2006 even though I have been and "Admirer" since her first album dropped back in 2000. I say " Admirer" simply because I do not class myself as a "fan-atic", I had never seen her live before then.

I had seen the 2002 Brixton gig televised about 2003 on Channel 4 I think it was at about 1am and I was just enthralled, I thought then she was amazing and I wished I had known about it so I could get tickets.....and now.. Woohooo she is doing it again.

I heard there is an 'After party' on the following night after the second Brixton Gig but I am not sure if I should go, the chances of her being there are probably very low/non-existent anyway.

I am not going to the 'V Festival', to be honest I would only be going to see her and at least at Brixton I will get up close - well closer than if I was in a big park. I am not one for festivals I dont like getting muddy and dirty and stuff..ewwww Me? Glastonbury? NO way

I guess the only thing I wish nowadays is that I had my old music connections, I got used to being spoilt and going backstage and meeting the celebs/performers, I have met Mary J -ust so sexy Blige, Joe, Nia Long, Bobby Brown, Ralph Tresvant, Bell Biv Devoe, Whitney Houston, James JT Taylor of Kool and the Gang, Busta Rhymes, Teddy Riley and Blackstreet, Brownstone, Genuine, Donnell Jones, ...oh man the list. Anway as you may have noticed they are all Hip-Hop or R'n'B artists from a little while back so my list needs a little updating.

I miss those days sometimes.....

I used to be able to blag myself backstage in them days, oh the good ole days. Well I am going with SB she wants to come with me after all, I am glad, at least I now know she doesn't think me a 'Skank'. She has been quite nice actually and we are going back to the counsellor next week, fingers crossed we get it all sorted.

I am having the weirdest feelings, I don't know if it is the drug Clomid or if I am pg but I get dull cramps in the area of my ovaries and I have been feeling really tired as of late, maybe it's emotional stress making me physically tired, Oh my favorite one... Maybe it's wind.

My Mate KJ who in my last post ran into a Deer and asked me to be a character reference

Yeah she runs over Deer but she is sound...Honest

Well bless her cottons she sent me a pair of cinema tickets to watch a movie of my choice just to say thank you for being a friend.....woohoo HOSTEL II here I come.

God the first one is horrible I managed to talk SB out of going to that place in eastern Europe with her Ex just before we got back together the last time, and just to convince her further I made her watch it......she hates Horrors.. Mwaaahaaahaaaa, needless to say she didn't go much to the bewilderment of her Ex LOL...Oh well.. they were breaking up anyway... nothing to do with me I will add

I have a weird dull headache today, I think it is because I ate an apple on an empty stomach and the acid gives me a headache, they are playing Amy Wino on the radio... I used to like her stuff but now I just think she is sooooo OVERRATED.

Well to be honest, today I don't have that much to say.... since I started this blog I find myself thinking

Ooh I can add that to my blog next time I update

But I always forget. I guess I hope that it will be an interesting read but starting to think... " maybe I am not that interesting" ahh well it's early days yet :o)

Went into Mac D's today at lunch with my Ma' after a meeting, you wouldn't usually catch me in Mac D's unless I was getting a Milkshake, I don't like their food but it was quick and my Ma likes it so I decided to take her, well got the New BBQ Chicken burger with Bacon thingy meal at the extortionate price of £4.09 or something near that, a little more I think cos I got a hot chocolate instead of a cold drink anyway.... Sat down to eat mine ate the chips first - as you do cos they don't taste too great cold, took one bite of my burger and noticed a hair in it... EWWWW...

I promptly took it back and pointed it out to the Manager who apologised and replaced it for a fresh( plus fries) one made by himself and he also gave my my money back.. RESULT.

I wouldn't buy it again though, I thought it was naff, slightly bland, far too much Mayo and I didn't like the cheese... ah well at least now I know right :o) Anyway going into the station I heard a saxophone playing busker on the underground so as I passed him I gave him some of the money I got back from my meal.

I really want to go home tonight not feeling well but told someone I would meet them as they are really looking forward to meeting me, I have reservations about her, sounds like she talks the talk but not so sure she can walk the walk, I don't like women too eager anyway I am not meeting her in a sexual way or any intentions of, she is just another person I was approached by when I was looking and now I have told her I am no longer looking she still wants to meet as friends.

I think I should try and go...

I had an argument with my then Sub a few days ago, she wrote something about me that really hurt my feelings simply because she wanted to fuck and I had stuff going on with the ex shortly after we met and had great sex. I was more hurt because she acted like she understood but really was only giving 'Lip service' to get what she wanted.

So I don't feel like talking to her for a little while seeing as it is not the first time she has posted something negative about me in her blog for no reason other than the fact I cant spend as much time with her as she would like due to being emotionally somewhere else.

She knew my ex was on the scene before we got together I told her we were going to couple counselling to sort things out and i didn't know what the future held but in the mean time I was going to have some fun. She said she has feelings for me or could have .. something like that anyway... that's the last thing I want from anyone right now but I can sort of understand where she is coming from, if I was not in such a bind emotionally I would probably ...... But then again I am almost 30 and she is only 21.

Well Bye for now, maybe something amazing will happen soon, if my period doesn't show by Friday/Sat then well..... who knows it has played tricks before ... but lets see huh.

Off to get some Fresh Strawberries & cream from the office kitchen as it was the Director's Bday and we all get to stuff our faces with sweetness....

See you on the next post and I will have some PINK pics for ya.. xx

OMG I'm Blogging!!!

O..K..... Well where do I start? Just excuse me while I dance with glee and excitement.

Well maybe a little about me might help, I'm a feminine inner city Lesbian, 29 years young Capricorn, oldest daughter and I have one sibling a younger brother who we will call 'G'. I have been a Lesbian all my life but took me till I was about 17/18 to conciously act on it.
I started this blog simply because I have a lot of things I would like to get off my chest about Life, Love and everything in between, so be patient with me as I try to remember to blog and be as honest and real as I am, warts and all.

Today I am finally at work, I freelance you see and well... the money comes slowly sometimes and rapidly at others, But first stop this morning was the hospital yet again. I guess I may as well tell you I am a trying to get pregnant and have been for two years now but only earlier this year was I referred to my local hospital for fertility treatment, and after a few 'Primary infertility' tests I was diagnosed as not ovulating and having fibroids as well as the most recently discovered Polycystic Ovaries ( PCOS).

As you may be able to imagine I am pretty gutted. So every month without fail for the past 3 months I have been taking the drug Clomid, which they have recently doubled from 50mg to 100mg and having internal scans, being prodded and poked and pricked, so now feeling well and truly "Tenderised" and fear I may turn into a "Mad Cow" before long.


Anyway today, being as dippy as I can be sometimes ( more stories on that aspect of me later) I left the house for work got half way to the tube station at 08:30am and realised I was supposed to be at the hospital for another blood test to see if my Progesterone levels have risen at all since last month, which I think was 20 and it should have been in the late 20's early 30's to be considered functioning.

Anyway the bus driver let me off at the lights and I marched all the way back home feeling really out of sorts and annoyed that I was now going to have to wait possibly 2 hours in the rather large queue at the hospital to have my blood taken. Whilst in the hopsital waiting area I passed the time surfing the net on my PDA and reading my latest book 'Affinity' by Sarah Waters.

Eventually I get out and just before I descend the steps into the underground I stop off in Tesco's for 'Brunch'.

Lets hope I don't have to do it all again next month, I tell ya it's quite exhausting this trying to get pregnant lark. Oh I suppose I should also tell you where I am getting the second main ingredient from!?....

Well about 2 years ago I was surfing the net and came across 'Rainbow Network' and saw they had a section of people advertising their desires to become 'Donors', 'Co-parents', 'Mothers' etc and I thought I would post an ad finally after thinking about this for over 5 years.
Well I was shocked at the responses, some where shall we say "Just wouldn't do's" others were just "Plain uglies" and the rest... after exchanging pics they only then wanted to....

"Do it the natural way"

The reason being and I quote

" As it has far more chances of success"

He was just trying to fuck and I tell you now it was NOT going to be this Duck.

Anyhoo, I persevered and was contacted by a delightful man, Asian in his 30's we talked for many months but he was just too far and the practicalities of it were not feasible so, I moved on and decided to reply to someone myself, and I found 'K' as he will be known.

He is Chinese, born here in the UK good looking, average height, good hairline, good teeth and bright eyes. He is in his mid thirties, in a stable committed Gay relationship of 13 years and he comes from a rather large family...by my standards anyway.

I like him because he has a really great sense of humour and is easy to talk to, calm, thoughtful and I know all this because during this time of unsuccessful tries we have become friends and got to know each other fairly well, also having discussed the all important issues such as, what role he will play, what our expectations/reservations are/were and issues like what our own childhoods were like and what our ideal discipline methods were and if they suited the other.

We then went on to be tested for everything including HIV and AIDS and waited for the results to come in from us both before I proceeded with the self insemination.

And now to bring you up to date, I have recently SI'd ( self inseminated) and now in my two week wait (TWW) to see if I have been successful this time, I am trying to be optimistic but it is hard after doing this for so long month after month, it's draining especially when you are going it alone.

I could go on for ever spurned on by the momentum of adrenalin at learning how to Blog but I won't, I will save some for another time.