life sucks again!
special K is now shitty K and very passive aggressive as it turns out. How does an explanation of ones feelings turn into a full blown 2 day row????
living in a one bedroom flat sucks when there are two people living in it and an argument breaks out.
my job is becoming stressful now, handling a high profile individual who has captured the world's media attention and the stress is killing me, my mother is being made homeless due to her landlord not paying the mortgage even though my mum has been paying the rent and now my mum is on jsa at 50 after having lost her job so now she has no money to put down a deposit for another home even with my help, my aunty died 25th feb buried on the 13th march, then her son dies on the 26th march and to top it off I am paying to be depressed every week by attending Weight Watchers and not shifting much weight or putting it on. I am just exhausted. typing this from pda so sorry for not going into great detail now but the atmosphere sucks and talking right now feels pointless.
the argument has turned into the kind that every couple has at some point in their relationship, no one's budging.
I feel under immense pressure to fix things for others or at least offer them solutions but I don't have anywhere that I can turn when I need that sort of help.
I am very analytical and enjoy chewing the fat on isues till I find a solution, pondering possibilities and alternative perspectives to help me gain greater understanding of my life and of people but very few in my life do that. my friend says most intelligent people suffer from depression ...I sometimes find the descriptive word intelligent used in reference to a persons IQ/level if understanding a tad insulting as Monkeys are intelligent, in fact plants have traces of intelligence and even soap powders are being advertised as having "intelligent stain seekers". Nonetheless most people think its a compliment....I remember being schooled on the difference between being intelligent, erudite and genius.... I like to think I sit between the latter two with variations of random stupidity and common intelligence.
today I am staying in bed, doing this allows me to switch off and in some ways I guess make a point,
I haven't been eating again, since sunday well saturday if u include the run up to it where I refused to eat much at all allday then having only chicken and salad at sunday lunchtime.
I know this silence can't continue...I really love her but where do we go from here? I hope to have an epihany over the next day or so
