Volunteering my time

Well since the last post i have looked up more volunteer places to help out, one of which being a lgbt helpline and also the samaritans helpline.

I am counting down to the time she arrives, and she says she has 3 surprises for me, oh my I will let you know what they are, she sent me a little butterfly last night in the post with reference to something we said about butterflies and me. longstory but she is really thoughtful.

Soo excited I am. Gonna get my home work done tominght as I know that I wont have time to so it before monday and I may forget. I am cacking it she is going to meet my mum on sunday arrgghhhh!!! anyway.

I am feeling positive that this is summin special, but who knows. on reflection it all seems very weird and very quick as my life went from near suicidal to doing a full 180 and all highs, i am still taking my tabs and i dont feel at all unstable LOL, aside from giddy with love.

I went through a period of time thinking that maybe this was just my way of coping and was i running into the arms of the first person who came along but that is not the case, but i did do some soul searching. I had to tell the Floridian that i couldnt be what she wanted, i couldnt she was not the one for me, i couldnt tell her I loved her and she wanted that from me even though i said that i didnt want a relationship when we first started talking. We still talk and she is dating someone else so its all ok.

My ex is asking about me alot and my best mate tells me she is still missing me even though she is seeing someone else, i am really glad she is happy with another at least i hope she is. just so she is out of my business. Although secretly i would love her to see my new bird by accident as she is Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrgeous, striking blue eyes and dark hair 6ft tall super fit and sexy looks great in a bikini heehee and so stunning she once got a snog from a famous celebrity who is so sexy with an even more famous sister.

as well as being really drop dead gorgeous I cant believe my luck she has the kindest warmest heart i have ever come across. And she found me. wow. I feel so blessed. And the sex is amazing fucking hell i didnt think i could get better sex but she is so good LOL. why was she single? I was wondering when i realised how great she was, then i remembered she has just come out of a 9 year relationship with a woman that she didnt love anymore and they both agreed it should have ended years ago but they stayed loyal anyway. When i met her she was just lookiong for mates.

Anyway enough about her for now as i can feel myself gushing and getting all mushy.

I am off home now to pamper myself and do my nails and change the bedding and make the house all nice and tidy. so glad i am working the morning so time will go quickly i cant believe the day is finally here it feels like months since i last saw her, it was only 3 weeks ago LOL.

My LCD 32" tv had to be taken today so i am a little bereft LOL as i have no tv in my bedroom now but hey !!! I am not complaining just hope they can fix it. But some how i doubt i will miss it this weekend ;o)

All Grown Up - the big 3 0

Its been ages and so much has happened, shouldnt have left it so long.

run down.....

• neck pain better, odd twinge nothing to worry about




• tinnitus still annoying




• fallen in love with a wonderful person whom i have met before in another life time and who was told about me in a dream by her aunty who passed away before she even met me.




• started counselling course to become a trained counsellor




• working again




• keeping a gratitude journal




• had operation for cysts and endometriosis and recovered well, another op is needed to remove fibroids and wont be abel to get pregnant until they are removed.




• taking my girlfriend so see kelly rowland at G A Y




• mum wants to meet new girlfriend so has invited her for dinner on sunday, she didnt even do that with ex the bitch




• family have made an effort to spend time with me and stuff




• off to see chris rock with my baby brother tomorrow




• exploring my psychic abilities and meditating more.

I am basically too busy living my life to blog but i know it is something that i should do more, so apologies. I will try to get this up to speed without boring you too much.

well I turned 30 yesterday and it was nice i spent the enitire weekend dancing and being happy and having meals and stuff with friends and family, my g/f made me a card or should i say cardsss

and each one she wrote a word starting with the corresponding letter how i made her feel and how special i was she made 13 cards and also sent me a photocopy of her hand as she missed holding mine...... also when i went home one night i found a hand made card with a heart mate out of glitter on the front, inside she said that she knew that after being away i mentioned i was going home to bills and she wanted to make sure i got summin that made me smile.... she is soo lovely. Today i booked her in for some massage treatments at the body shop for her a nd a mate to have a facial, hand massage and foot massage to this evening, she called me up and was so blown away that i thought about her and did this.

She said that no one had ever thought about her in that way before and that she was so surprised, apparently her mum welled up saying thats the kind of girl she needs and her sister couldnt believe i was so thoughtful and said that she cant wait to meet me and that we were welcome at hers anytime. WAit till i turn up at the Kelly show and she has no idea, i have it all planned we will be talking then i will tell her to look up at the sign and she will see who we are going to see. I am so crap at keeping secrets that i know will make someone so happy it is taking all my strength not to tell her or give her a clue.

more about her another time.

i have decided to keep a gratitude journal because sometimes i think i am ungrateful and forget the little things that happen in my life to make me happy and smile, my life could be so much worse, i have it easy and i need to acklnowledge that, yes at times it gets hard but thats life and i ahve to do what i can to deal with it but not forget the good things that also happen and generalise my life as being less than and unfulfilled. I am very very lucky i have people who trully love me, family who care and are there for me, freinds who think the world of me and a good head on my shoulders a nice roof over my head and all the rest of it.

So my new years resoloution is to not stress anymore about stuff that are petty and try to live in the moments as often as i can. Also to meditate alot more.

Weird things have been happening to me lately I seem to be having visions of things such as one morning i was half asleep and heard the post man, i thought shit more bills or summing sounds like a lot of mail, but i went back to sleep as i was dozing back off i had a vision that i opened the mail and it was a christmas card from a freind i hadnt heard from in a while. i fell asleep for a couple more hours and then when i woke to tackle the mound of post i knew was waiting for me i saw one white envelope........ a christmas card from that friend. coincidence?

Saturday before last i was slightly dozzy and wondered what the time was as i was so tired and didnt want to get up yet, as i was dozing back off to sleep asked in my mind what time it was and the numbers 08:39am flashed infront of my eyes, i immediately woke up as i had to be up by 9am and looked at my mobile by the bed ( i dont have a clock in my room) and its said 08:38am i thought ooh another fluke.........was watching gmtv a couple days later and looked at the time and looked at my phone dunno why.... my phone was exactly 1 minute slow. weird?

anyway my mum finally admitted to me she is a psychic and since then i ahve been able to accept somethings a little better and working on my own abilities that are numerous now i have started remember them and keep a record. will keep you updated if i get the lottery numbers.

well not sure what else to say for now i think that maybe enough until i think of other things to tell ya.